He made my eyes twinkle;
and melted my heart.

:>)

independance is something which i've always wanted.
someting which i recently have this sudden craving for.

i want to go out there, into this vast world and live by myself.
i've always dreamt of the kinda life where i have this small 1 bedroom house in New York with cute cute cuddly stuff in it. a life where i go to work everyday in a metro, drinking hot cappucino.
and meet big people and design clothes for them. and i've made it very clear to myself that i will NOT work under someone. i will be the someone. who will give orders and someone who will exude a certain charm and flair which will make people have respect for me.
and attend parties every saturday night, dancing dancing and sipping martini from this glasses.- and have a louis vittone bag with a prada sunshade.
and to be single. or have only one boyfriend, always.
and to face anything that comes my way. to have self-confidance. to be admired by many. and to be really famous and have all that jazz in life with heaps of excitement.

i just wanna go there, and be independant. without my parents telling me to come home early and to wear decent clothes.
without having my sister hogging the phone all day. without wasting my weekends to study for the monday tests.

i want that life. where i'll be all by myself. famous, rich, nice, friendly. where all that glitz and glitter and red carpets and interviews will come my way.

Haaaaa.

i've had a pretty normal life. when i say "normal" life, what i mean is, the usual one, with the ups and downs, mistakes and lessons, friendships and distance and the other stuff that comes attached.

along the way, i've learnt quite a lot. and some important ones, i would like to share-
1. never be friends with two rival groups. you're the loser.
2. never go behind a guy. you will lose your significance.
3. always think 7 times before you take an ultimate decision of your life. coz you really don't know what's in store for you.
4. don't at all be shy to say to someone how special he or she is to you. you don't know if you'll ever get the opportunity.
5. don't have many best friends. it can get really confusing.
6. never butter your parents before you ask for thie special-i-want-it-now thing. you'll never get it.
7. if you wanna bitch, bitch only to one person. not to many. coz again, you'll be the loser.
8. don't lose self-confidence. if you ever let go off that, there's no pint living to achieve your dream.
9. NEVER say sorry if it's not your fault. people will realise. if not sooner, definitely later.
10. life may seem to come to an end, but a new life will always blossom later.
11. don't care about teachers who think it's their job to rule our life. they need to fuck off, not you.
12. thee's absolutely no point in crying over someone who isn't the least bothered about you. dude, it's "YOUR" life, don't ever allow someone else ruin it.
13. if you have a fight with your best friend and if it's REALLY and TRULY not your fault, chuck it. coz they are bound to come back.
14. don't ever try to act smart and fight with your parents. coz they are the most precious gift god has gifted you. value them.
that's it for now. i'll keep updating this blog when i come across yet another lesson.
and if you've learnt any thing, you are more than welcome to post it in the comments section.

kal ho naa ho

how true. seriously. many of us know this, but we don't actually imply it.
i mean, we take life so casually, thinking we are forever gonna live. but no. i realised the importance of this sstatement only now. when a tragic trauma took over one of the dearest person i know. she maybe a doctor in our school but she was a wonderful friend to many. she lost her better half.
at the prayer she said "if you have to say 'love you' to someone, say it immediately. it takes just a call, a drive or a whatever. but say it. cause you don't know if you will ever get the chance again. you DON'T KNOW". you could see she meant every damn letter of this sentence.
that day, i felt so ashamed. cause all this while, here i was, living life like as though i had all the time in the world. which, i do not have. here i was, lazing around sleeping, eating, orkutting. when i'm supposed to be smiling, doing work, enjoying, SMILING.
and since that day, i've never shouted at my parents or argued with them, cause now i know how much they mean. i know their value now.
i now know the value of life.
anything, any minute can happen.
that is why it is so very important to smile and be a rockstar at whatever we do "everyday"(as robin sharma would put it).
it is not the death we fear, it is the time-span that has been asigned to us by the almighty, that we fear.
and this one is to every person who knows me well: i love you all. even if i don't talk to you that much, just know that, each one of you have really really made a difference in my life".

many yet times in life, the most difficult task is to cook up some courage and accept the most difficult circumstances in life.
this is also something which we all dread.
we are afraid of accepting the fact that we failed in the exams; we are afraid of accepting the fact that our ex is already going out with a chick; we are afraid of accepting the fact that we have to move away, and go to an alienish city.
we are "afraid".
i've been a victim of this.it happened when i got the news that i had to leave chennai, cv and danny and live in gurgaon. it was agonising. but i had no choice.
of course, i could cry myself to sleep, saying that i'll settle down well, have better friends and freak out more. my friends were a great support and told me that they'll call up every week. they tried every possible way to make me happy. we promised each other that we will always remain best friends. my parents told me that i can get back danny once we come back.
every possible method was tried out to convince me.
but...i just couldn't accept it.
how can i ?
many people find it difficult to come out of long-time relationships.they dwell in the past.
that's the mistake we do.
we live in the past.we think about the future.but we NEVER live the present.
and that's why we find it difficult to accept.
because we are constantly thinking about the bitter sweet memories and the rich future that awaits us.
we don't realise that only if we start living the present, we will learn how to face the world and accept things as they flow in.
it takes time for us to accept the present because..we can't let go of the past.
unfortunately, the past always contains the sweetest memories yet painful ones.
it is those memories that we want to cling to; we are afraid if we will leave it and vanish into thin air.
but we should also know that the future can be MUCH better.
for that, all we need is time, oh, the great healer- which is faster than the blink of an eye.

there are so many kinds of relationships.like, a mother-daughter relationship, a sister relationship, best friends relationships, boy-girl realtionship, husband-wife relationship.
out of all, the most painful one is a boy-girl relationship.
many of us when we are in our mid-teens start searching for the true love.and we do succeed in finding love, not "true" love.
and many yet times, these relationships are a big part of our lives.because when the love fails, we are bound to learn a lot.i've seen many people undergoing this experience..and now i understand why it's so very important(especially for girls.boys are exceptional cases).

when we are in love, we are happy.so happy that we are always smiling to ourselves thinking about how cutely the man said"hello" yesterday.we are assured that in any situation,come rain or shine, we have a broad strong shoulder to lean on for support.we know that we'll be comforted with a bear cosy hug always, which makes us feel more special.
we always have a longing to go to school the minute we step into the house.

and the comfort,the assurance,the hug,the secret-smiles,the after-bed phone-calls,the help in picking up dropped notebooks, is all something which is a treat in life(i'm talking about a girl's life).
it's a treat which we enjoy so much that we want more and more of it.but when it is nomore..the sweetness is gone.
its vanished into thin air.
and when it all ends..life ends..that's when we realize that love can be found in every other human being, but "true" love can be found only in one person.
the search for that person is a long journey which, most of us initiate at a very early stage.but later realize all this..
some of us always live in that hope..
the hope of acquainting true love..living,longing for the day we come acroos "it"....

Happy birthday, chocolate hero!

this blog is dedicated to MY chocolate hero.i wished him really late on his birthday and i feel very bad cause...well..because.
he is THE person in my life.a person who has been with right from my innocent days..and who has helped me grow into a young girl with self-confidance.
a person who can assure me that i can do well in a math test;who will call me paatima;who will listen to all my problems.
a person who i respect more than any homosapien;a person who is a guardian angel.


i just don't know how i can punish myself for that..seriously.
karthina, i swear i did not do it intentionally.
sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry.

happy birthday once aain.

i love you lotttssssss.

I loweee zeeees!

1. Black! -the best thing/color that happened to the world.

2. LIP-GLOSS -Ask Abhilasha or Shubhankar.They know best.

3. Dogs- AWWWWWEEE.

4. Short denim skirts-OK.FINE.

5. Music.Specially A.R.Rehman- Life.

6. Silence- After all the noise I've heard,I believe there can be silence in this world.Little, at least.

7. Hugs- Who said smile is the best medicine??

8. Craziness- Life can't not get boring.PLEASE.

9. Situations where tears speak.

10. Blogs- I louurrvee writing.

11. iPods- Thank You, Steve Jobs!

12. Books- Knowledge.I need more of it.

13. Talking,talking and talking- I told you, I've already heard a lot of noise!

14. Beaches- Can the world get more beautiful?

15. Holidays- Tranquility.Lazyness.Yay the mind!

16. Spiral notebooks- I've no CLUE!

17. Food- Lots and lots.

18. Emotions: sadness,love,pride,carefree-ness- Complete life.

19. Walks- With Karnika.

20. Poetry- Addiction.

And,
If I were a thing,I think I'd like myself the most!

=p

Favourite of Songs.

Of all the songs that I've heard,I like a very few of them.
because these are the kind of songs I can relate to,smile while listening,and I mostly like them because of the meaning in it.

1. "Kudai illa naream paarthu
kotti pogum mazhaiyai pola,
azhaga ennai ninaithu,idhu dhan
kaadhal endrale"
-Sachien.
It's toooo beautiful for words.

2. "unmai umai aanal,kaneer mozhi aagum,
penmai oomai aanal,naanam mozhi aagum"
-Mozhi.
The truth.

3. "Vellai pookal,uzhagan engum,
malargame..
Vidiyum bhoomi,amaidhikkaga,
Vizhugame..."(i'm not sure of the lyrics.)
-Kannathil muthamittal.
A.R.Rehman, you ROCK.like TOTALLY.

4. "Kuch toh hua hai,
kuch ho gaya hai.
Do char din se..lagte aise...!"
-Kal ho na ho.
Whoooooosheeeeeeeee!!

5. "Paechellam thaalattu pola,
ennai uranga vaikka nee illai.
dhinamum oru mutham thandhu,
kaalai coffee koduka nee illai.
Vizhiyil vilum dhoosi kannai,
aval eduka nee ingu illai.
Manadhil ezhum kulappam
kannai theerkka,nee inge illlaiii"
-Jillinnu Oru Kaadhal.
..... 7 ..... I have no clue why I like this part of new york nagaram.
But A.R.Rehman just rocks soooo much,i tell you.

6. "Vinnodu mezha satham enna?
mannodu chinna kural enna?
engae dhan sendrayo?ippodhu vandhayo?
Sollamal vandhadhu pol,illamal povayo.
thappamal meendum sandhipayo?
Nee varumbodhu!Naan maraivaena!!
-Mazhai.
Rain is tooo beautiful,ya.

7."Ragasiya kanavugal, jal jal
en imaigalai kazhuvidhu, sol sol
Ilamaiyil ilamaiyil, jil jil-en
irudhaiyum nazhuvudhu, sel sel"
-Bheema.
Mostly liked, "ragasiya kanavugal...!".

Biz,ritz,glitz.

I rushed from my french tuition to come home and get ready for the party of the century.
for the first time ever,in my life,i got ready in a record-breaking,5 minutes(complete with make-up).No,i didnt look like a fool,with make-up smudged on my face.

20-minutes drive to the "place" on the beautiful,long,sweeping,fly-over's of gurgaon-dwarka.I closed my eyes in the car,taking a mini-vacation to my dreamland.After 20 whole minutes,i opened my eyes to see the most gorgeous fete(almost.excpet it was a corporate party).
with red black and white,the meadows looked lavish with an angel right at the entrance,greeting you with a wand,crown,sword.to the right,a photo shoot was going on.for the guests.yes,the family could go and get their photos clicked with their kids and ooooh at how nicely they've dressed.as i turned,i caught sight of a few stilt-walkers.whoa.tall.so so so tall.Pah.the meadows were adorned like a cake with small round tables topped with the silkiest of sheets with a bottle of vodka, and 3 floating candles.there was this massive red-black stage and huge dance floor for all the booty shakers that evening.a huge popcorn cup stood in the middle of everything.
to complete the icing,we had the people.The elements.Whoa.i've NEVER seen such a crowd.NEVER.i could see people of all ages and all generations.
one side were the goody goody ladies looking conservative in the closed saris.one side there were these stick-girls.the top did not go down.the already-short-skirts did not go up.one side there was "the freak out" crowd.girls smoked away to glory and guys drank to their satisfaction.
the candles of the cake were the small kids.they ran about,enjoying themselves in the play-pen and hogging hot and fresh butter-pop corn to complete with all the 100 starters which was served second-to-second by the hosts.
the party started with full swing.dancing till your butts dropped,eating to your heart content,relishing the kulfi.and thank god,they played the australia-india match in big screens.thank god for me.
you meet a person and they will first give you the,what i call,the "gurgaon-onceover".they will look at you,from top to bottom,right from the toenails,to the color of your hair.based on that,they will socialise.if they give a half-hearted smile it means:umm.where are you from?.if they smile happily and give you a cherrfull "hello",then, bingo!
i socialised,ate 3 fish fingers breaking the rule which i made the previous day,deciding i should not eat non-veg for 1 month,danced,danced and danced.

as the party went on,i realised,how times have changed.how places are changing.how culture is changing.
how people are changing.
ive gone at parties in chennai also,but never have i seen SUCH a one.people just didnt care.they've come here to "party".to drink.to socialise.to FREAK OUT.
when i left,part of me wanted to go back in and dance.
but part of me wanted to go home.
to get some quiteness.some piece.where i can be myself.where i know people won't be there,all around me,staring at me.

after all,home is home.
party cannot become home.

Thank God.

Mango smoothie.

Dedicated to my wonderful dog,Danny.
you mean no less,though we are miles and miles apart.
I love you.sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much.

I leaped with joy,
when i saw you for the
first time.
I squealed with happiness,
when i saw your tiny legs,
trottle on the floor.

you were the master of,
yourself and me.
whenever i look at you,
i realise what love and loyalty,
is all about.
you gave me milkshakes,
filled with the sweetest essence.

You greet me like as if,
im a new-born baby.
you play with me like as if,
i'm a one-year-old.
you bark at me like,
a man-eater.

But,
I love you Danny,
more than any barista's mango-smoothie.

i saw this one seriyana oru tamil movie today.

before i start my movie review,let me give a word of caution:eet is strictly limited to those who've seen tamil movies since long long back(refer to naatamai et cetra).

It's also only for those know tamil.
Movie-Samudhiram.
Cast-sharath kumar,murali,manoj,a luvlie sister,one comedian,three daughter-in-laws.
Story-line-Brothers show their unconditional love to their sister(happa happa yabbbaaaah)
The movie begins with any fairy-tale beginning.
a song which portrays the three oh-so-lovely brothers with their chellamaana thangatchi.it goes on to show how much they love each other and how nothing can seperate them.due to certain circumstances,the brothers lose all their property.

im not in to explaining the padam here.
It's the only movie which shows men crying more than women(Karan johar,you've got company dude!).take this for instance:the youngest brother enters his elder brother's room for taking money from his anna's shirt pocket.the money is for some college use.his anni is inside the room.she shouts at him and says that he cannot take it and assumes him to have stolen the money.the paavam chap leaves the room.
He is now waiting in the bus stand.his anna comes.he starts shouting at him asking"yaen da shirt pocketla irundhu panam edukala.ava sonna vechittu poirpiya",as he's saying this,he starts crying.in front of about 20 people.in the road.
Good Lord.I mean,what the hell?after-all,he did not take just 600 bucks from the damn pocket.what's the big deal?

As the journey continues,we can sight more such instances where the sister leaves the brother's to go ther husband's house and the brother's start crying.
et choos mee.
Get a LIFE.
the typical old tamil movies where you have the big family with 2000 acres,100 servants who get thrown out for making a small distinct scratch on the yajamaani's room.then we have the villain who is equally rich with more cows.
the chellam of the house-the girl gets married to the villain's son.trouble.fight.in the end,everything is solved.everyone lives happily ever after.
Bloody hell,i wasted 2 and a half hours seeing this movie.a colossal waste of time.
Goddamn.
on the positive front,this movie tells us about love,care and affection.(like we've NEVER seen a movie made about LOVE.)
ratings-1/2 on 5.
only for the sister.she looked like a beautiful south indian girl in colorful saris and vibrant bangles.

when you smile,
my world brightens.
when you dance,
the music dances with
you.
when you cry,
the light of my world,
dims.
when you walk,
everything is stationary.
when you talk to me,
i feel love.
when you are with me,
i know nothing,but
you.
when I cried,
you gave me smoothies of
smilies.

when everything stopped,
you came.
But when you leave,
my heart aches for nothing,
but YOU.

I can't decide at all.
Sometimes life is sooooo sweet to me,sometime it's..well..its not sweet.
I have everything..iPod,phone,good student,wonderful family,best friends..
My friends(best) are like so rocking my life..

one friend is everything of me.my life,my soul.
one friend is life to me..he makes my life complete with his presense.always fighting and getting angry if disagree with the "fact" that rajini is not the superstar.
one friend is the amul baby..chubby ckeeks,dimple chin,rosy lips bla shit crap.he is the smile of my happiness.
one friend is my most priced possession-he is my thought,my behavior.he is so sweet that i have to call him my best friend..from bench-mates to best friends...we've seen it all.
one friend is the bad one.well was the bad one.arguing over stupid things and having inside jokes such as"no bad thought"..he is the nicest.
one friend is the mokkai rani of all of us.the calling-up princess and the dumb volleyball player of CV.we are the bitching angels.
one friend is my kutti chaathan.the naughtiest of all.the prettiest of all.the tension-free-est of all.
huh....
one friend is the ONLY person who make me smile at any bloody shit situation.my harry.

and the final one...but this person desrves to be in the 1st.
My chocolate hero,my world.We'll be together...

Ok ya.
Life is kind to me.
Maybe,afterall I am not.

Maybe.

Dance Baby Dance!

Five six five six seven eight,
One two three four five six seven eight

Bla bla bla bla.

Whole day,whole night.
Dance to the beats of "five six seven eight"...

My Gawd.
One day it is Me&you,the other day it is umbrella and another day it is The way I are.
Some day it will be JBJ.

Chuck it.
It sucks.
totally.

You are there...somewhere,everywhere.

I close my eyes,
and you are there.
I look at myself in the morning,
and you are there.
I open my notebook,
and you are there.
I look at the stars,
and you are there.
I listen to my song,
and you are there.
I go to my class,
and you are there.
I see the pics,
and you are there.
I see my farewell card,
and you are there.

You are there...somewhere..everywhere.
I shut my eyes and turn around purposely avoiding you..but i can't.
everything is the same..but for me it's all you.
everything is the same..excpet you and me.

But it will not continue.
I know.
It's gonna end.
Someday,somehow.

But it will.

Ugh,ugh,ughhhhhhh.

I hate this and that.

"this and that" refers to:

Thin boys.Eat food,work out,find your way out.
Lizards.Why the hell do they exist?
Too many piercings.You think you look good?you are SO WRONG.
Car travel.Sickness.
Flight take-off.huhuh.
Chickas who wanna make it big in bollywood.Find yourself a better place.
Sucking up to someone.why be jobless,dear?
Too much of religiousness.Not for me.
Bright colors.UGH.
Pants/jeans,when worn below butts.You may as well not wear anything.
People who can't get sarcasm.Get a life.
Over peter.Ayya tchi.

UGH.

Why?

It's so irritating.
I haven't done anything.nothing,actually.
But.Still.
People are going insane.
What's up with their brains and minds?

No clue.
But,why?

Craziness

I go crazy.everytime.

When abhilasha sees me taking out my lip-gloss,i go crazy.
When aayush is scolded by Preethi,i go crazy.
When Harry bugs me,i go crazy.
When Vinita Ma'am says:" Simbiliecity is zee yessance of lief",i go crazy.
When i see 5 labradors together,i go crazy.
When Prachi is there with me,i go crazy.
When shubhankar starts singing those rap songs with the f***** words,i go crazy.
When i get awesome marks,i go crazy.
When maths period is cancelled,i go crazy.
When school closes because of rains,i go crazy.
When bhoo bhoo imitates me perfectly,i go crazy.

Craziness pays more rent in my life than happiness.
Courtesy:All my 9TH GRADE-DPSSL friends.
hmpf.

The Mine,The Soul.

Destiny.
Yes.
We both were destined to meet each other sometime in our lives.Lucky us,we met when i was a kid and she was an almost lil big girl.
She is my soul,my life,my tears,my laughter,my happiness,my byoody,my hug,my everything.

We are twins.except she doesnt live in gurgaon.
From the time she walked into my granny's house with a sheepish big smile on her face,we both have been the best of friends.
Every summer vacation,every dussera hols,every new year,I kicked my ass with her.
When we both are together,nothing can stop us from being the insane lil monters,nothing can stop us from jabbering from 6 30 in the morning till 3 in the morning.
We are the mine and the soul in which she can complete my sentences and proudly vekkamae illama blabber out my thoughts to everyone without me telling her.
Her house is like mine,and mine is like hers.

We both are so contradictive,chatter-boxes,dominating,sooper eediats anyone can come across.
We both agree that black is the best color,dance and reading is the best hobby,boys are stupids,jyo is an awesome actress,appadi podu is the best dapanguthu song,chocolate is the most delicious thing,losing weight is the most impossible thing,sleepovers are the best,movies are nice but has aiyoness,and so on...

Without me telling her what happened in CV,Chennai,she comes to know about it.Though I would've spoken hardly 6 words of joblessness.

The 1000 sleepovers,100 delicious chocolate cakes baked by the great us,million fights,uncontrollabe laughter,over-flowing tears,full blackness,vetti dancing,watching stooopid movies,commenting,bitching about everyone,vacations,everything...She's been through all my torubles,through all the decisions,the changes,the mokkais,the Usness,the new-year parties..everything...
From being neighbours to sisters,Karnika has seen it all...
Thank you Karnika...for shaping up my life and making it beautifull like you =)

People.

People...in my life.

Appa and Amma-for inculcating values and culture in me...and for loving me.
Abi-for teaching patience and how to "smile".
Simi-unconditional love.
Danny-the only soul.the only life.Love him.MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE.
Karnika-The soul of mine.knows me better than myself.for being with me ALWAYS.Love you lotsss =)
Karthina-for supporting me,teaching me,loving me,for being my "Chocolate Hero".
Vishnu,Preeths,Surej,Druva,Unnamalai,Ruben-MY LIFE.
Prachi-for teaching me how to live life.and for being my Best Friend.
Abhilasha-For putting up with my insanity,blabberings,tears and my uncontrollabe laughter.
Poorva-for teaching me how to love someone and how to give and take advices.
Harry-The only person who can make me smile.the only person who can irritate me and still get away.I love you Harry!!
Harsh-probably the only guy till now,who can take my rudeness,stubborness,i dont give a damn attitude.U go Dude!
Pranshu-for being SO VERY NICE...
Prashantna-No words.I just love Prashantna.
Shubhankar-person i admire the most.
Bhoo Bhoo-imitations.runescape.crap shit computer stuffs.rock on...
RDK-for being my greatest inspiration,for making me understand what life actually IS.
Harishaaa-For being my instant friend and for being so so so sweeeeet!!
Abhijeet- my cheekooooo!!
Varun- the best poet. and someone who i look upto.
Tippu- he has a big beautiful heart in which i swing happily.
Rishab- cool dude with the tattoo.
I am what I am because of all the lil medicines these people gave me when I stumbled and shook.
I love you all.
=)

Life.?.

Life.

What is it exactly?
Name one book,person who can give you a definition for life.
Can you?
No.

Life-it is short.it is meant to be "enjoyed"(sadly,most of us don't)
Life-it is a teacher.we should learn from it.(Do we?)
Life-it is enjoyement.
Life-it is all about emotions and expressions.
Life-it is a mistake.we should correct it.
Life-it is success,failure.choice is ours.

Life is more..lots more.
When we want to live life,it does not allow us to.When we don't want to live life,it forces us to.
Just when we learn from our mistakes,we'll make another one.
why?
When we have happiness,we have sorrow.
When we have success,we have failures.
When we have friends,we have enemies.
When we have love,we also have hatred.
When we have life,we have death.


Life is-The Tension of Opposites.