once upon a time... and forever..

Part I: crazy days in gurgaon.




it started in 2006.
that crazy day when i met four fools.
as we HAD to organize the whole teacher's day function, we had no choice than to look at each other for the next 40 days.

when we started, we had absolutely no clue..that this journey is forever and we would always walk together..

Nut-- poorva, Baby-- Senna, Hersheyz-- Harsh, Pinky-- Pranshu and finally, yours truly.

it started with hesitations, a lot of shyness, and we didnt come out of our shells. almost all five of us, except hersheyz, were new to this new goddamn place, gurgaon.
and we were still dwelling in the memories of our previous school, old best friends, broken love..
what happened, we still dont know.
but over those 40 days, we really, actually, bonded.
we would meet, make plans, call for a proper student council meeting during breaks(and end up eating patty's!], and promise that we'll get the order ready in 2 days.
we would take permission from our teachers , black mailing them to permit us to get out, if not, no teachers day. and what we would actually end up doing is, go to the last floor, search for an empty nursery classroom, sit there with scribble pads and pens, looking like pro's, and GOSSIP.
we would talk about everything..
nut would go on and on about all the masti days in noida, where she was allowed to wear skirts which does not measure half arm also.
senna would talk about bombay and shiamak.
i would talk about how much i missed madras and how this place sucks and how i hate it from the bottom of my heart (least did i know that i would fall for this place...]
hersheyz would shout["WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS!", "WHAT RBBISH SHE TALKS" OH. NO NO"]
pinky being a doll, would listen to all this and give us beautiful advices--> something which ive always trusted.

1 week, 15 days, 20, 30 days will pass by, and you'll still find us bunking classes and making silent promises to get work done.

towards the end, in the last week, when it hits us that weve done absolutely NOTHING, we would hit our heads and scream at each other, and plan something which was never seen before.
we DID it.
we pulled off the whole thing together. last minute work, yes.
but we stood by each other, and slapped ourselves, and decided to do it..

i still wont forget that day..

the titles which we gave every single teacher, the rocking dance performance by babyy, alisha and all.
the final speech which jyoti ma'am gave. and when i called you four to stand by me when harsh gave the vote of thanks.

it was that day, that i fell in love with the school, with you guys, and with myself.
it was that day, that i gained confidence in myself, and believed in true friendship.

and since then, till now, we've been a part of each other's lives..
true, we've all moved apart, we've changed.. but our identity still lies there.. in those cherished memories..

and this is for the four of you, poorva, harsh, senaara, and pranshu.

i love you all.

unstoppable beats.

remember brother,
the music is still on,
the dance is eternal,
you have to sway by it,

life does not end..

hugs, laughter, tears
are the lyrics,
and love, hatred, care
the beats,
you have to bring it alive,

life does not end..

life is a party,
you will find many people,
but only one
will capture your heart,
you have to love,

life does not end..

remember brother,
sorrow is something
which you cannot afford,
but love..love is pricelss,
welcome it,
and you will know,

life does not end..

Light a candle..

on this day, 29th of november 2008, i sit down to write.. to salute the brave men like hemant karkare and unnikrishnan who sacrificed their lives for the sake of safety and for our nation..
and the NSG commandos..the real unsung heroes of the whole episode.. they went in with no assurance of their lives..they went in with just one purpose: to rescue the hostages and eliminate the terrorists...
i hang my head in shame..
to live in a country where we call ourselves "a democratic country"..where there is no real order..where religion and caste play a major role in the result of elections..where allthough we may emerge as an economic superpower , we are also emerging as a country where terrorism and blasts become order of the day...

at the same time i feel proud to have Brave Men in our country who are ready to sacrifice their lives for us.. who went out of their way because they knew their job..they had an operation in hand and hostages to rescue..
but we know..
tomorrow..it'll all be forgotten.
today the media will glorify the Brave Men, in a few days, back to square one..
politicians will go around asking for votes blaming the current party for all this..

we never learn from our mistakes..
we need to listen to those thousand voices which are hushed everytime they ask for a reform..everytime they ask for secuirty..
we have to take a pledge..
we have to learn..
we have to celebrate our heroes..they deserve it more than anyone of us..

and on this day, my heart goes out to all those families who lost their dear ones ...
it pains..
not only for them, but the whole country is in pain..

searching- always

your gaze is fixed,

but your eyes wander .. . . ...

secrets.. hushes...and us ...

ive never never felt sooo special in my life.

those tender words that you whispered through the dark night, making me go mad secretly...
i could feel your expressions, i just wanted to hug you tightly and never let go...

most of all,
you made me feel wanted.
you made me feel special.

i told you a 100 times that night, and im telling you again,
i seriously don't know what to say....
.................i just love you .

silence kills..

when the night is lonely...
when the stars are sleeping...
when the world becomes a
sleeping beauty...
i can hear your voice,
in that deafening silence..

black love.

the sky growls,
angels above cry,
little children
play in the mud puddle;
the ice cream vendor
rings the bell-
adding tune to the crystal
rain which pours down
vigoursly.

i gaze at the
black clouds,
the hatred stings
me, and demons weep for
love.

i sip my hot koffee and
think about all the love
which exists in the world..
in some tiny lil corner..
yet to be dicovered...

*meow*

for you,
i would kiss the stars,
fly to the sky,
dance with cats,
and hug everyone.

baby, i love you.

b'day note to eden.

days and months
have passed by,
life is now a pretence-
vacillating from smile
to tears.

the jokes are for you,
the smile is for you,
the laughter is for you,
the tears are also for you.

today is your b'day,
and i've got you a gift-
the most precious one
packed with confettis
of love.

i can see the stars gleaming,
the angels dancing.
the lighted candles illuminate
the sky, and
champagne pours down as rain.

finally i can see a smile- the one
which charmed everyone.
and you look into my eyes,
and i can feel the words,
"happy birthday", slip out
of my lips.

happy birthday, brother.... we miss you.

stupid tattoo.

"i look into your eyes,
and i see myself."

NEVER will i get such a tattoo done saying THAT.
sheeeez.

i paint my nails pink,
i dance in a room
full of mirrors,
i sing the song of
my life,
i lick the cream
on my lips,
i hug myself
tightly,
i kiss the sky,
and i look into your eyes.

the wand wonder.

he came dancing,
his eyes sparkling,
he looked at me,
and stood still.

i wondered why
this sudden pause,
just then, he took
out his wand.

he tapped my head
with it,
and this time,
i stood still.

he looked into my eyes,
and they were shone
with nothing but
love.

silent messages, silent promises,
flashed in our eyes,
and the promises
did not fade,
it will never fade....

One of my secretdreams.

"beeep beep beep beep". I woke up, wondering who would've smsed at 2:45 am. i fliped my phone open, and my eyes read "one message recieved. Abi". i got up staright, rubbed my eyes properly, wondering if that was true. i read it again. in clear black bold fonts it was written" abi". i punched the 'open' key.
"hi madhu! how are you? how did prashantna's wedding go on? listen, tell amma to call me, i need some money to pay the mess fee. tell simi to keep the DHL bills safely. i'm in a job treat right now. the yearbook is coming out reallllly well! tc!~ gimme a call whenever possible".
i read it over and over again. hands trembling, i called him up. a chhery 'hello' answered my call and then zooooooom! we spoke and spoke and had a good long chat after a long long time. he told me that he had gone on a vacation far away and missed us a lot. he asked me how 10th was going on. gave me advices on math and all ;) and oh my! he was so damn excited about the yearbook!! i complimented him on his new display pic on orkut(the half sun glassed face).
after 20 minutes, i kept the phone.
happiness filled every cell of my body. tears welled up. i sat motionless. everything was finally back to normal. next week, he would be coming home. in a few months, he'll be off to New York. the puzzle was completed. it looked perfect- everything in it's place.
and then, one puissant sentence flashed in my mind, "abi is there".
yes, he is there-with me, with all of us.
he will be- "ALWAYS".

the past seemed like a nightmare.
and the present, seemed like nothing but a dream..
nothing but a dream.....

Unanswered questions.

we have no means
to ask God this question.
but since you have
tea with him everyday,
please ask him,
"why this cruel destiny?"

we are dumbstruck
to ask God this question.
but since you for
a walk with him everyday,
please ask Him,
"is this what happens to
the innocent?"

we are too shocked
to ask God this question.
but since you lunch together,
please ask him,
"why is there no fair play?"

we are in tears,
unable to ask God this question.
but since He loves you a lot,
please ask Him,
" why ME?? us??"

i'll meet you soon, brother.
meanwhile, you scrap me the answers.

there was this girl. she was in her mid-teens. you can't say she was all that beautiful and charming. she had thick wavy black hair, which fell around her not too oval face. she had a bronze complexion, which brought out the green eyes in her.
people found her really sweet and caring. nobody daren't try to hurt her, for she was so fragile. most liked her, but she wasn't the kind of girl someone would normally hang out with.
she did have friends, but not a single one who she could call her "best friend".
she always wondered, what had to be done to become more popular and extro.
she always longed for a social circle or at the least, a best friend.
she always stood in front of a mirror and imagined talking to cool people.-psychopath.
she sang very well. but didn't exhibit her dulcet voice in public.
she only sang when she was alone.
she had something in her, something which told her that she could do it. something which tried to convince her that she can fly high.
she wanted to prove to the world that, she has the capacity and everything else that takes to be "there".

but sadly, she had no one to share all this with. she prayed to god every night. she lifted her face to the shimmering sky at night and asked god, "i beg of you, just give me someone. someone who will listen to me and help me to come out of my shell". this was her mantra every night.

and one night, as she was saying this mantra, she saw a glow in the dark night sky. a silver dusted sleek figure took shape. it had wings which looked like those of butterfly.
it was shining so brightly, illuminating the otherwise dull sky.
it smiled at her, an angelic smile.
ah! how the face of the girl brightened. she was initially confused..but then from the smile realized it was an angel. an angel sent to her from God.
He finally heard her prayers.

He always does. He always listens to us, but silently....

The dumbest conversation.

2nd period, chemistry extra class.

The so-called i'm-so-smart-in-chemistry-don't-you-dare-ask-me-silly-questions teacher rambles on about how J.J.Thomson discovered the structure of atom, how he related it to a "christmas pudding" and blah blah.
as usual, my best friend and i, weren't paying any attention. we couldn't talk otherwise we'll be slaughtered. OHT was going on.
and we were sick and tired of listening to how jobless these newtons and thomsons were in their lives.
we started a note convo.
------

ME: heylo!
SHE:heylo!

ME:What's up?
SHE:no-thing. how are you?

ME:Fine. you?
SHE:YAa, fine.

ME:i've gotta tell you something.
SHE: what?

ME:shall tell in break.
SHE: even i've to tell you something.

ME: what?
SHE: shall tell in break.

ME: so. ummm.
SHE: hmmmm.

ME: ok, bye.
SHE: bubbye!
---------

Yeah, this is how jobless we are.
and this is how chemistry can make us boring.

????

there are so many times in this messed-up-almost-perfect-life of mine, when i just sit, frustrated, thinking, "oh fuck, what the hell am i s'pssd to do now?"
and today, is one of those days.
i've suddenly started writing kutti kutti posts.
it's so cute, no?

No?